oh my gosh. i hate to be so blunt because i know how much you love him, but you need to leave this man. NOW. you CANNOT be with a man with a drinking problem (and if you suspect he has a drinking problem, then most likely he does) who has been physically abusive to you (even in a small way) AND has cheated on you. he's not going to change, and what's going to happen is you won't trust him anymore. once you lose the trust, you are going to become insecure and suspicious, and it's going to screw you up for whatever future relationships you're in...and honestly, i do think there will be future relationships. i don't think this relationship will last even if you do decide to wait for him, even if you end up getting married or having children together. you guys have been together for almost a year, and he can't decided if he wants you or not! that's ridiculous. he should have some sort of idea by now - you two are LIVING TOGETHER for crying out loud. you can do better than this. you don't need him. there are plenty of men out there, and you will be fine on your own. i'm not completely talking out of my as* here. i know how difficult it is. i was with an alcoholic for four years. he never cheated or beat me, but he lied to me over and over again. i couldn't trust him, and the relationship sucked. i wasn't happy, and i thought i couldn't do any better. i was SO wrong. i don't know how old you are, but when you're in your twenties, even three years can make a HUGE difference. i look back on that relationship now, and i am SO grateful that i didn't marry him. i would be completely miserable now. i'm only 25, and it's been about 3 years since i was with that guy. you would not believe how different i am now compared to the girl i was at 22. if i had stayed with him, i wouldn't have become this person. and that would really suck. i like who i am now. i've had a chance to figure out who i am and what i like, apart from someone else, just me. and that's amazing. every girl should have the chance to grow into the woman she's supposed to be. and i really think that this is your opportunity to start that process. please don't settle for this man. please don't wait 15 months for this guy. he really isn't worth it. i can tell from all the way over in california that he isn't worth it. i'm sorry to have been so brutally honest. i just wish that someone had gotten these things through to me when i was in that past relationship. it would have saved me a lot of time and heartbreak. good luck, and please please remember that you are worth more than this.

I understand all your feelings more than you expect. Your probably the closest scenario to what i amn experiencing. I know how you feel bout people telling you your too young bla bla. Im 17 and me and my bf have jus split up a few days ago, it was his choice not mine. I cry every night and i sit on the computer knowing there are folders of pictures over the last 10 months, i look into my draw and see the photo album he made me, the poem he wrote me.It breaks my heart but everyone around me is begging me to move on, its not good for me, and theyll be better out there. But you knowwehat. i want to wait . I look at other guys i would look at if i was with him and instead of feelinga bit guilty i tihnk of nothing but his face now.
Me & my boyfriend has a very rough patch these last 2 or 3 months and in truthfulness it is what killed us. He started worrying what his friends were saying when before he was content to spend and evenin in with me. He felt now he was missing out. When his friends would act like jealous a***s and tell him to end it , lately in his head i could tell it was sticking.
My boyfriend also cheated in january bt i chose to forgive. I do believe people can change and i belive in 2nd chances. He was so drnk he couldn reember a thing. I know because of experience he has shown me before whe iv been with him, hes blacked out. It was jus a kiss but it still kills inside doesnt it. But you chose to forgive like me?
But let me tell you i feel your rough patch has come from the fact that what he did has ground you both down. My boyfriend said that he felt so much guilt it killed him. He wrote my parents a letter, sobbed to me and yet still the time it would take me to heal wasnt long enough. I began nagging and possessive when he wants to go out with his friends. But being 19 himself he didnt reaslise why because he felt that he had learnt from his mistake. He did a lot to prove to me but now i look back in my heart i was showing to him it wasnt enough.
He has never been physical with me, it upsets him when i say i think he may of been but he has got a temper, especially after drinking. Its worrying bt it was so out of character for him i was there, he started to make some changes, Howevre now we are apart i can see that being so drunk will now not bother him.
You say he deploys in april? Well i am going to university this septemeber and my boyfreind would never discuss it with me because he said he keep praying its gonna work if its the last thing he does but yet the other part of is head tells him that he thinks its easier to walk away. Let me make it clear to you babe that this guy your with he avoiding telling you straight answers because he is scared to commit.
My boyfriend eventually admitted that to me a few days back after a few near breakups, he always come bk afgter having time saying he missed me or id run afterhim and make him see the light. But if your having along old rough patch it will come crashing down. Ive learnt that.
My boyfriend then said that e was unhappy for a couple of months, that he felt both our feelings had changd for ech uvr and no mattert hw mch we wnted it to work in our hearts , he jus oculdnt see it. He took the easy option, avoiding confrtonation like your man is and said im gonna walk away now. Iv tried getting him back, but he says its what he wants not. To be without a gf have no commitments but he says ill always be special and he still greatly cares but the love thats not there completely anyore. Im hoping in a few months we can go for a coffee ut hes unsure he says he thinks he made the right decision and that he wants to free , calls up his friends when he likes and how he likes now. Im concerned he wnts other girls butaccording to him hes not lookin for another relationship. but if it comes along it does and hes not looking for one nights , if hes kisses a girl it happens. It kills to hear the words but i was his first love and first for everythign i hope he understnds that when he is on holiday in the summer with the lads and some wh*re approaches him.
Sweetie in all honesty i feel your guy is going down that road. I feel he isnt admittin it yet cos hes i denial but he knwos what you had was special but hes feeling tied. He has doubts and it would be better that you break now. You can move on away form him but then ave that aspect of waiting for him incase u do bup into each other once again? Dont stick it out with him being unhappy and waiting.
I miss my guy like crazy , ten months seems so long, we spent every day together so i can imagine that you tokkthe step of moving in which is gonna be so much harder. We nearly got to that stage but if we did? Im sure if this would of happened it would be a lot more difficult.
He seems commitment phobic and hes only just realised. Hun he probs thinks the world of what you two had, and probably still thinks your gorgeous , a special part of himbut hes a scared to tell you one way or the other in case you two dont overcome the rough patch and hes left wihtout his mates and without his pride.
Its a boy thing us girls wont ever understnd. Iv criede and done stupid things to show my boy i love bhim but he knows i do. Thats the thing he knows it. Let him be without you maybe, he may realise what he has lost.
I understand how your waking up everyday confused about your situation. It was me a few weeks back, a month or so after the cheat, id stil wake up and be unsure about him and what to do. Now the tables have turned and hes said he doesnt feel the same im blown away, cnt make sense of anything. Tink of some of the bad times. Its hard cause i dont. Bt think u must of questioned your relationship and its existence a lot and now hes does it your feeling the pain, maybe its because you know the end is near 2 .
Im hoping my boy realise that the single life, including girls or jus his lads is part of his life but wasnt everything and that i filled that gap. If he doesnt i guess ill move on in time, but at the moment i feel ill laways have open arms for him, theperson i feel in love withand once knew . Memories wil llast a lifetime and u can keep them and lok back on holidays etc and miss what you had but it seems that what you got now isnt that is it? I know you love him and i felt that if it ended the love will go away. Bt i will love him for a very very long time, he was extreemyl special, not jsut my boyfriend but my bestfriend. Maybe you hould give him tiem out. I hope he comes back to you and if you end i hope still that he and you rekindle those feeligns in teh future. Afterall im away from my love but i stil have a glimmer of hope that says 'what if' about teh future. If you love something let it go and if it was meant to be, youll be back. xxx

I just want to say this - a guy in the military, especially if he is just getting in, which I'm guessing yours is because you said you are young - is so confused with his life. His life has basically been taken away and he doesn't know how to focus on himself much less on you.
My advice is to tell him you realize he needs to figure himself out, tell him you love him and support him, even if he doesn't act like he appreciates it. They try to act tough but it's an act. He needs to figure out what he's doing, facing a deployment is scary but if he is like many guys he bottles it up and takes it out on other people, like you.

believe me i understand exactly how you're feeling
you need to show him how it would feel if you really were gone
give him a reality check.
pack your sh*t up and leave for a few days
if he doesn't call or straighten up for you
then it's a waste of your time.
you need to find this out before you wait 15months for him
mine's f*ckin up right now and when i see him face to face next time
i'm gonna tell him straight up that if he doesn't straighten his sh*t up i'm gone
and never gonan talk to him again.it's hard as hell and sounds easier said
than done but sometimes love isn't enough.
remember there's ALWAYS going to be someone else out there.
just because you love him with all your heart doesn't mean it's meant to be.